Haiku
slippery tears drop
faster than the hair of his
receding hairline
slippery tears drop
faster than the hair of his
receding hairline
posted by Philip at 12:39 PM
Sunday, March 05, 2006
About Me
- Name: Philip
I discovered haiku in the summer of 2004 while browsing poetry forums. Since then I kept a little journal of my haiku and in winter of 2005/6 I started other writings i.e.- short story, prose, and poetry. All my writing essentially centers around haiku. All my haiku are 5-7-5 syllables.
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4 Comments:
The line Slippery tears is awkward. How are tears slippery? Just that they are wet and slide downward? If so, saying slippery tears is redundant. If they actually are slippery somehow, than I simply don't get it.
However I like the comparison.
Slippery in the way that the first tears usually have a viscous feeling about them but after the trail is established they slip down as if going down a slide.And slip right through your hands. I was mainly alluding to the way hair slips out of your fingers in the way that tears would. But I think this haiku has potential for revision. Thanks for taking the time to crit the haiku.
-phil
Very pretty design! Keep up the good work. Thanks.
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Very best site. Keep working. Will return in the near future.
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